1. The best way to reject a tough person is to be a repeater.
Let me give you an example:
Colleague: Please help me process this document!
You (with a perplexed face, speaking weakly): I want to help you too, but you see I work so much.
Colleague: Mine is more important, you should deal with it first.
You (still embarrassed): But I really have a lot of work.
Colleague: Are you still a friend? If you are a friend, please help me with this document first.
You (speaking slowly with a firm face): But I really have a lot of work, so I can't help you.
This trick is especially suitable for rejecting other people's requests and safeguarding one's own interests.
Because no matter how tough a person is, once he meets someone who speaks like a repeater, he will feel helpless like a scholar meeting a soldier.
This method comes from the book "The Curse of Love". Good people who don't understand rejection can also read this book, which is more comprehensive.
2. When you receive a gift from others, express your gratitude not by saying "thank you", but by expressing the feeling of receiving the gift. for example:
Wow! I've wanted this thing for a long time, but you bought it for me unexpectedly. You really understand me so well. I am so happy!
Why do you say that?
Thinking about it in another way, we have carefully selected a gift, and the most worrying thing is whether the other party will like the gift we gave.
We are also very happy when the other person expresses their liking for the gift and tells us that it is exactly what they want.
Therefore, gifts are carefully prepared by others, and we must respond with our hearts.
3. When expressing gratitude to others, there must be specific examples to support it. This kind of gratitude will appear more sincere.
for example:
I am really grateful to you. When I was at a loss, the XX advice you gave me was of great help to me. It was your guidance that made me achieve the results I have now.
4. To praise others, don't suppress before you want to praise, but praise first and then praise.
Let me give you an example:
Inappropriate statement: Manager, when I first saw you, I felt that you were very young, and I was worried about your ability, but I didn't expect you to be so powerful after I met you.
A better way to put it: Manager, when I first saw you, I felt that you can achieve this position at such a young age, and you must be very capable to do so. After contacting it, I found out that it was indeed the case!
I learned this from others. I used to think that talking about stereotypes first and then complimenting the other party would have a good effect.
But I found that if I say the bad things first, no matter how nice the words are, the first impression of others will still be the bad one.
It sounds like you go to an interview and say to the interviewer, "I can't learn, but I can learn."
Therefore, don't adopt the saying that if you want to promote, you must suppress first, but first promote and then raise.
5. When inviting others to a party, add a sentence "If you are afraid it will be too late, you can leave early" at the end.
When inviting people to a party, many people like to make one thing too perfect, too tempting.
But in fact, it is stressful for some people.
Because they will worry that as long as they join the party, they will be trapped in the party all night and cannot get out. If they want to leave early, they will spoil everyone's fun. In order to avoid trouble, they will refuse.
So after inviting the other party, add a sentence "If you are afraid that it will be too late, you can leave earlier" at the end, this will reduce the pressure on the other party, and he will be more willing to try.
6. Don't throw cold water on others when they say things they like. for example:
Friend: I like this skirt both in style and color!
Death statement: This dress is so old, your skin is a bit dark, and it will look darker when you wear it.
Better way to say: I think this dress looks good on you too, but you can also try another color, I think it looks good on you too!
7. When someone asks you for help, no matter whether you can do it or not, don't agree quickly, let alone be too sure.
You can think about it for a while, and if you decide to help, tell the other party:
I'll give it a try, I'm not too sure.
In this way, the other party's expectations of you will not be too high. If you succeed, the other party will only be more grateful to you. If you fail, the other party will not blame you.
8. If you want people to do something, use the anticipation effect, and the probability of success will be greater.
The expectation effect, also known as the Pygmalion effect, is a phenomenon in which a person will perform better when he is given higher expectations.
For example, a friend of mine who wanted her boyfriend to clean the windows used to say something like this:
You go clean the windows and don't do any housework!
Her boyfriend was very angry when he heard this:
I'm so busy that I don't have time to do housework!
The two quickly quarreled.
Later, she learned the anticipation effect, and now she says this:
You are tall, come here and wipe it for me, you can reach it as soon as you reach out, it's amazing!
Her boyfriend was elated after hearing this, and immediately took a rag to clean the window.
Therefore, if you want someone to do something, you should use the anticipation effect more and use less commanding tone, so that the other party will be more than happy to help you.
Just like I said to you: "Hurry up and give me a like, I always don't like it after watching it", you must want to hit me.
But I say to you: "You like a good article as soon as you see it, you are really a person who loves to learn and share", and the effect will be better.
9. People who can resolve other people's embarrassment when they are embarrassed have high emotional intelligence.
For example, when I was in college, once a classmate was late for a while. When trotting into the classroom, he accidentally tripped and fell on his back. Everyone looked at him, holding back their laughter. The face of the classmate was also flushed.
The teacher saw it and said humorously: "This student is really smart. He used this method to remind everyone that this is the key point of the lecture! Please write down the key points, this is for an exam!"
Everyone immediately picked up their pens to draw key points, and no one bothered to stare at him. The classmate immediately got up and walked to the seat. An embarrassment was resolved.
10. When girls talk about abdominal pain, don't always say drink more hot water.
This one is for boys. My friend always complains about his boyfriend. When she has dysmenorrhea, it is like a repeater. She only talks about drinking more hot water, which makes her very angry.
Then one day, his boyfriend didn’t know where to learn a trick. When my friend had dysmenorrhea, he no longer used it as a repeater. Instead, he took out a box of brown sugar ginger tea, opened a small bag, and made it for her personally. , That day my friend also sent a photo to show happiness.
11. If you want to put something into action, you need to make people think "if I do this, how should I do it".
For example, you planned to have dinner with some friends before, but you shouted for a long time but failed. How can we better implement this dinner proposal?
General saying: Everyone agrees to have a dinner party on the weekend, so don't shirk it!
A better way to put it: Everyone agreed to have a dinner party on the weekend, which time period do you have more free time on the weekend? What type of restaurant would you like to go to? Are there any requirements for the location of the restaurant?
After saying this, everyone will start to discuss in the direction you said, and the more you talk, the more specific you will be.
12. Turn true-false questions into multiple-choice questions.
Yes-no questions, that is, there is no other choice for answering except "accept/not accept".
for example:
Are you in charge of washing the dishes today?
Such questions can only be answered yes or no, there is no room for choice.
But if you change the question to multiple choice, it sounds different. for example:
Do you want to choose to wash dishes, or choose to cook?
People who hear this question will subconsciously compare which option is better, and then make a choice.
13. If you want others to think of the good, ask questions in the good direction.
There is a concept in psychology called "positive inspection strategy".
That is to say, if you ask the other person's opinion on a matter, he will tend to find a place that can match from his memory according to the direction of your question.
For example, if you ask the other person: "Are you a careful person?", he will recall what careful things he has done.
Therefore, if you want the other party to think about the good, you have to ask questions in the good direction.
for example:
General Statement: How was your day?
A better way to say it: Did anything funny happen today?
Of course, if you want people to vent their emotions, you can also ask questions in a bad direction, such as:
Did anything bother you today?
14. If you want to make your comments more reliable, you have to be reserved and only say 80% of what you say, otherwise others will suspect that you are exaggerating.
For example, if you want to recommend someone you know to HR,
General statement: XX has very strong leadership and is definitely the most suitable person for this job!
A better way to put it: Although I only worked with him once, he showed strong leadership in that cooperation (please refer to specific examples). If he can play the same strength this time, I think he is very suitable for this job!
In this way, based on your own experience and actively limit the scope of evaluation, your words will be more reliable.
15. When others laugh at themselves, don't follow them. A better approach is to give each other a compliment and then laugh at yourself. for example:
Friend: Oh, I have gained a lot of weight recently!
Death Response: Yes, why have you become so fat? What have you eaten recently?
Better response: I don't think so, I just noticed that you look good recently. You see, I always stay up late to work recently, and my complexion is particularly bad.
16. Don't say you are ___ in front of people who are ___ than you.
Don't call you short in front of people who are shorter than you.
Don't say you are poor in front of people who are poorer than you.
Don't say fat in front of people who are fatter than you.
If you say it and others get angry, don't blame others.
17. When others complain, don't be a good teacher and give advice.
You must remember a principle: When a friend complains to you, if he doesn't ask you what to do, don't give advice and reason, and say to him: "You should do this... .” “You can actually…”
This is because when a person is complaining and complaining, what he hopes to get is understanding rather than advice.
Therefore, when a friend complains, we should nod at the right time to express understanding and agreement, and then say something to express our emotions, such as "You are so difficult" and "If it were me, I would be very angry too."
18. First affirm the views that you do not fully agree with, and then put forward your own new angles in a supplementary way. for example:
Your point is interesting..., I try to add an angle...
The word "interesting" neither agrees nor disagrees, but it sounds very comfortable to the other party, and he is more willing to listen to your next point of view.
19. When being teased by others, the easiest way to respond is "self-deprecating".
Joking is divided into two situations, one is a kind ridicule, and the other is a malicious attack.
No matter what the situation is, if you say to the other party seriously: "How can this be, don't talk nonsense!", in fact, you will be instantly cold.
On the contrary, if someone makes a joke, you can still laugh at yourself in a joking way. Even if someone attacks you maliciously, he will have no motivation to continue, and you will not be so embarrassed.
How to laugh at yourself? A very easy trick to pick up is - more serious than you think.
Take an example to see:
A: Why is your singing so ugly?
You: Is this ugly? Don't look down on people, I can sing even worse! You know, others sing for money, but I sing for dead bodies!
Another example:
A: Why are your English scores so poor?
You: Don't look down on people, my English is poor, but my Chinese is even worse!
20. When chatting with an introverted person, you must be good at picking cherries and finding topics that the other person is interested in.
The cherries in the conversation refer to some special words in the other party's discourse, that is, keywords that can open the other party's topic. for example:
A: Why did you go on the weekend?
You: I went to play with my classmates? And you?
A: I didn't go anywhere, I was alone.
The cherry here is "alone". If you want to keep the conversation going, you have to grab this word and keep talking. for example:
You: It's not bad to be alone. What would you like to do when you are alone?
A: I like watching movies.
Here comes the cherry on top, "Movies," so we can ask each other what types of movies they like to watch, or what their favorite movies are.
The above conversations are normal, but some people can’t finish talking when they talk about topics they are interested in later, completely ignoring the feelings of the other party, and the conversation is all about themselves. for example:
You: Which is your favorite movie?
A: XXX.
You: I've seen that movie too, but I don't like it very much. My favorite movie is....
As a result, you talked for a long time, but you were the only one talking, and the other party couldn't get in your conversation at all. This is not a good communication.
21. Speak from the interests of the other party.
For example, you bought a box of oranges, but there are too many to finish, and you want to share some with your friends, what should you say?
General statement: I bought a box of oranges, but there are too many to finish, so I will share some with you.
A better way to say it: It is easy to catch a cold when it is cold. I heard that eating more oranges can supplement vitamin C and enhance immunity. So I bought a carton of oranges and I'll share them with you.
In the first statement, although you have good intentions, some people will think that you can't finish eating before thinking of yourself, and they will mind.
But the second way of saying it is to consider the interests of the other party, and the other party will thank you very much after hearing it.
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